The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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