I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
