I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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