im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
