I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
