Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize