You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We named our party play list daddy issues
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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