someone threw a dead crab at me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize