just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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