Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
