bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
