I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
