You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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