giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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