I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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