When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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