i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
