I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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