Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
