You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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