phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize