my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
