a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
