i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My pussy is not your playground.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
