I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
