Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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