if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
