All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
