Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
