Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
