HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
