Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
