Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
