every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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