Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
