i think i have two assholes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
