Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
