I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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