It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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