dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
