i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
