I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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