I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
