just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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