I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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