Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
