i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
