At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
