I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
