i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
