ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
