is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just had sex bonerless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
