Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
