im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize