Christians are straight up FREAKS
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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