If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
