party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
