very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
