Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
