I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
