If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
