Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
cat food counts as protein by the way
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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