My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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