I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
