You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize