Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
