Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
